Is your definition of success tied more to financial wealth and official titles or is it based on inner peace and spiritual fulfillment? Would you rather have fortune and fame or freedom and leisure? Does contributing to a life-changing project make you happier than spending free time alone? Or vice-versa?
Or are you one of the millions of Americans who just accept the prescribed formula for success that has been fed to us by commercials, influencers, and our parents?
The truth is every person can answer these questions differently and thus can have a different definition of success. While some might measure success by the size of their beach house and the cost of their luxury watch collection, others focus on the influence they have and the impact they make on the world. Even so, your definition of success isn’t limited to the binary choices of Worldly Riches or Eternal Legacy. On the contrary, human history is full of incredible life stories that combined these two options with millions of other options to create their personal definition. Which brings us back to the original question: What is YOUR definition of success?
Suit and Tie
As a little boy working in the migrant farm fields, my uniform consisted of old sneakers, old jeans, one of my Dad’s old long-sleeved work shirts, and a big straw hat. Since the summer temperatures in the high desert of Utah would regularly reach 100+ degrees, we did our best to cover up as much as possible to protect our skin from sunburn, but there was no escaping the heat! This explains why I always aspired to have an office job where the dress code was a suit and tie and the air conditioning was set at 72 degrees.
For most of my life, I saw a suit and tie as the uniform of successful people. In actuality, the most financially successful people I know don’t wear suits and actually hate ties. Instead, they showcase their success by wearing whatever they want, which is usually designer jeans and a T-shirt. But all the people who work for them wear suits! As do the guys who work at the cell phone store, car salespeople, and the folks selling shoes at high-end department stores.
From this perspective, I no longer see a suit and tie as the uniform for the MOST successful people but as the uniform for people working towards their definition of success. So my preference (and definition of success) has switched to the golf shirt + golf slacks dress code of South Florida as it looks nice enough to wear to a business dinner, but feels like pajamas.
Generational Wealth
Generational Wealth is a trending topic among the minority communities in the U.S. who continue to increase their financial affluence. When individuals first start making higher wages, they tend to spend their money on liabilities like watches, clothes, and cars rather than on appreciating assets like real estate and stocks. But once they satisfy their thirst for material goods (or discover this thirst to be unquenchable) they start thinking about how they can make their newfound riches last long enough to pass them on to their children and grandchildren. After all, Caucasian families have been doing this for centuries!
Unfortunately, those new to financial affluence usually don’t understand that generational wealth doesn’t always ensure happiness and prosperity for the inheriting generations. In many cases, the result is quite the opposite. This problem is so prevalent that official organizations exist to help affluent families properly structure their inheritance so they don’t set their children and grandchildren up for failure by giving them too much or making their lives too easy.
Reports have shown that upwards of 70% of affluent families will lose their wealth within two generations of passing down an inheritance. However, the 30% of inheriting generations who don’t squander all the money are still at risk of their families ending up in disarray. Most often, these two results go hand-in-hand. Because once the money runs out it isn’t possible to continue hiding the family issues which include everything from a lack of work ethic and broken relationships to substance abuse and depression.
This cycle seems to be perfectly in line with G. Michael Hopf’s quote from his post-apocalyptic novel “Those Who Remain” – “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.”
So while generational wealth seems like a noble goal in theory, I believe more focus should go towards leaving a legacy of work ethic and philanthropy instead of just a trust fund.
Financial Freedom
Exotic cars, vacation homes, and private planes all sound amazing! It’s too bad most people who can afford these luxuries don’t have the time to enjoy them. The reality is that people who buy these extravagant material possessions usually work more than anyone else, which is how they are able to buy them in the first place. Unfortunately, the same is true for most middle-class Americans.
It starts innocent enough when you buy a big fancy house. Sure, you went over budget, but your spouse is up for a big promotion and your side hustle is going to take off any day. Plus, your kids will be in the right school district and everyone knows home ownership is the American Dream. Then it’s time to fill up your new investment with endless amounts of expensive liabilities: refrigerators, washers, dryers, beds, TVs, sofas, riding lawnmowers, patio furniture, etc. Next is the garage and driveway: A new SUV and a new truck to tow the new boat and new fifth wheel should do. It all sounds great when you brag to your parents and feel like you’re keeping up with your new neighbors, but the mortgage payment alone was stressing the budget!
While showing off all your fancy toys sounds fun, the stress that comes with living beyond your means can quickly turn your American Dream into a nightmare. Instead of working to live, you end up living to work. Living paycheck to paycheck is super stressful, especially when you’re making more than you ever have in your life.
Alternatively, you could live below your means and exercise genuine financial freedom. With a nice home, dependable cars, and a healthy savings account, you could afford the luxuries of free time and peace of mind. You wouldn’t worry about unexpected expenses or be afraid of losing/quitting/changing jobs. Your spouse could stay home with the kids. Extravagant family vacations would be the norm. And you would be in full control of the schedule.
Financial Freedom doesn’t mean you have unlimited amounts of money and can buy everything you want. It means you don’t have to worry about money because you have more than you need.
Written on Your Tombstone
I was in my mid-twenties the first time I thought about what I’d like to have written on my tombstone. While I wasn’t positive how I wanted my entire life’s work to be summarized, I instantly knew what it would say if I died right then: “Above Average Semiconductor Salesman.”
Up to that point in my young life, though I already had more than my share of accomplishments, they didn’t carry much eternal meaning. Sure, I had an engineering degree, a six-figure salary, a luxury apartment, and took exotic vacations, but none of that would matter after I died. I followed the “American Recipe for Success” exactly and it produced nothing more than a life of material wealth and temporary distractions. It was at this moment I decided to quit my corporate career. Not because I knew exactly how I would change my life’s meaning for the better, but because I wanted there to be more to my epitaph than “Above Average Semiconductor Salesman.”
If you died today, what would be written on your tombstone? What would you want it to say?
Legacy
When I think about the legacy I will leave after my time on earth is done, I struggle to think of any more fruitful gift I could give to the world than my children. While some see their children as a hobby or a side hustle prioritized second to their careers, my goal is to pour my entire life into helping my kids become the most beautiful humans imaginable. Though my parents worked long hours, everything they did was for the betterment of the family. We were never their hobby. We were always the only thing that mattered.
While some measure success or failure by whether they amassed more financial wealth than their parents, my measure of success is whether I will raise better children than my parents. To accomplish this, I will need to provide my children with more opportunities than I had growing up while at the same time instilling in them the same work ethic my parents instilled in me.
I absolutely adore my parents and am forever grateful for their sacrifices. Despite the monumental obstacles they faced when immigrating to a new country, they managed to provide my siblings and me the chance at a better life. But they didn’t bless us solely so we would be blessed. They sacrificed their lives for ours, so we could give back to the communities who raised us and pay these blessings forward to those who would come after us. Of course, this includes our children and grandchildren, but it also includes everyone in our community who is in need.
Having reached the Fourth Stage of Life Ownership, I understand that life is not solely about me. It’s about us, as in my family, our community, our country, and our brothers and sisters worldwide. So rather than leave a building with my name on it as a legacy, my hope is that I will live on forever through lives that I impacted for the better.
Personal Success
Having spent the past 25 years chasing different definitions of success, I can confidently say that not all definitions are created equal. Some will make your parents happy and some will make your neighbors jealous, but the only ones that legitimately matter are the ones that fill your soul with purpose.
While you can only know what the best route will be by first experiencing it and seeing the results, it’s always possible to learn from the mistakes of others. Read biographies and watch candid interviews of people you admire. Pay close attention to the parts detailing the hard work, dedication, and personal costs required to succeed. Then ask yourself: “Is what they had to sacrifice worth what they accomplished?”
From a distance, it’s easy to envy the success of others. But once you fully understand the struggles they had to overcome to achieve their success, it might not seem worth it. From bankruptcies and legal battles to failed personal relationships and divorces, every road to success is paved with hardship. This is why it’s essential to create your personal definition of success because achieving it will cost you greatly.
No matter which definition of success you choose to chase, this is your life, and you’re the one who will have to live it. So go your own way. Forge your own path. And write your own story.
The Órale Way Principle #1:
Success is Personal.
Reflection:
What are some of your life goals? Are these your goals, or did someone else impose these goals on you? What will you have to sacrifice to achieve these goals? Are these goals in line with your priorities?
Challenge
Write your ideal obituary (200 words or less). To what age would you like to live? Will you marry? Have children/grandchildren? What would you want said about your life?
Share
Go to oralesuccess.com and share your thoughts and experiences with the community! Use the hashtag #successispersonal.
